Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
