I can't watch pbs sober anymore
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
