I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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