in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
