Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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