pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
