I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
