My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
