I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
