I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
