Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
