Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
