you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i think my cat just said my name.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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