are you so shy because you have an std?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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