im about as happy as oj after his trial
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
