So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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