so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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