He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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