I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
