My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
