How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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