Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
