yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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