I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
