Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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