I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
