you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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