people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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