dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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