When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
