I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Houston, we have a blender
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
