I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
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