Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
