Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
