Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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