Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
