I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
