At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
only if we run a train.
done.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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