I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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