We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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