you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
