So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
