Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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