The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
