I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
