the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
