R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
