you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
