So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
please come you make the beer taste better
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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