i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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